life

Its Never a good feeling when your mind cant stop wandering and all you can do is think and think. Then your thinking turns into worrying and you feel as if everything is crashing down around you. You question the decisions you have made in your life and wonder if you only would have done things differently , what would your life be like today. It seems as if nothing can go right, you have lost complete control. Isn't it odd the way things work out. The path's life drags you down. All for what? To learn? To grow? Well when will it be enough. When will being dragged down the same old dirt road over and over again be enough. I understand that there is a plan for everyone and everything but why does it have to be so difficult, does it get any easier?

You can't change the past and things happen for a reason even if you have no idea why at the time. You make decisions that you sometimes will question, but you should never regret. You can fuck up epically and still nothing can change the fact that it happened and really the more I think about it I don't want to change what has happened. You live and you learn, you grow from every experience and there is nothing to regret about that. "never regret something that once made you smile" (especially if it is still making you smile). You can't please everyone and people will judge its just a way of life. Let them judge let them talk the people that matter wont mind and the one that do just don't matter. JUST LET IT RIDE!

torn

I am so torn right now... my heart is telling me one thing and my head is telling me something else. I wish just once the 2 could agree. I have one thing, miss something else, and want something else.

I like what i have but feel i am setting myself up for failure.

I miss the way things used to be.

And I want to be able to have what I know deep down will make me happy, but my heart is somewhere else right now.

That is all...

get over it!

I wish that people would stop being so into what others are doing and just simply focus on their own lives.

Is it so bad that i lied to keep my private life private... no! whats bad is that i HAD to lie to keep it private. if it weren't for the amount of shit people like to talk things could have gone completely different.

The best part about it is the only people who care are the 4 people who are doing the exact same thing or have done the exact same thing! apparently they have to make others feel bad to make what they are doing ok! but really like you have always been told "two wrongs don't make a right"

I didn't do any of this to get back at someone or to spite anyone! I didn't even expect this to go where it has, but it did even though there are some people who can't get over it I am happy because I now have someone who, despite the fact that he is so far away, can still verbalize that he cares something that I haven't had in a while!

So i wont regret where this went, even if it doesn't work out, I am happy and you have to live in the moment because if you think about the past or plan too much in the future you will be sadly dissapointed!