Breaking up

why does breaking up have to be "awkward"? it happens and its ok. you were friends before right so why can't you be friends after? yes there were those different feelings but it is still someone you cared about before you were together, while you were together and even after you break up. there might be that period after the break up where its a little hard because you want to be the people you were when you were together, but eventually you realize that you can't do those things anymore and you get over it.

When we were together, at the end of a long night of drinking he would come cuddle up to me and i would tickle the back of his neck and he would fall asleep on me. I came to expect that to be how the night ended. well a couple nights after the break up, we were at a friends house drinking having a good time. as the night was dying down he was sitting across the room being picked on and harassed by all his friends like usual, and even though it had gone through that we were not together anymore i still wanted to go over there and just tickle the back of his neck and let him fall asleep on me. but i also realized that wasnt going to happen anymore. it wasn't awkward for me it was just reality.

for me the 2 weeks we spent away from each other after was just what i needed. it gave me the time to get over what i needed to get over. and when i walked in and saw him for the first time when i got back it was no where near uncomfortable for me, so why did he have to make i"awkward" for him. we didn't speak, which wasn't anything different from when we were together.

i feel like when you break up with someone there will be that short period after that might be uncomfortable, but then you take the time to move on. for me moving on doesn't mean i dont think about him a lot, doesnt mean i dont want him to be happy, doesn't mean i dont care about him anymore, it means that i care about him in a different way and i have come to terms with the break up. yes we know each other in a different way then i know the other male friends in my life, but it doesnt mean that we cant go back to being the friends we were before. it doesnt mean we have to go our seperate ways and our friends have to choose who they want to spend time with today, or tomorrow. we can be civil!

there is not one guy that i have dated that i am not friends with now. they know me so well and therefore they are the ones who can be there the next time you get your heart broken because they just might be able to be the friend that can make you feel better.

everyone will get hurt at some point in their life, you cant be afraid to know the people you have been with. i have love and lost, but i know i will love again.

my tattoos!

"Every time I get a tattoo, it's a little fuck-you to anyone who tells me not to." -Megan Fox

I, despite the pain, enjoy the process of getting a tattoo, its a symbol of who you are and a way to express a meaning or an emotion.

I got my first tattoo when I turned 18, kind of like a right of passage.

Its the trinity symbol on my lower back. Yes I know it is odd to have a religious tattoo as what most call a "tramp stamp". I wanted it somewhere I could cover up, but at times could still be visible. It has meaning, I am a christian and it represents my faith in "the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit"



At the same time I got my trinity I also chose to get something on my left wrist. Just very simple, light, and for me mostly. I got the christian fish symbol. It is real not henna just done in brown ink. When I tan it is almost invisible. But I got it to remind me the God will help me trough anything and every time I wanted to take a blade to my wrist I knew God was watching over me and guiding me. It goes over some of the scars from a life that seems so far away now.



My next tattoo is the breast cancer ribbon on my right wrist. I got this tattoo because the day I moved 3000 miles away from home my great aunt died. I never took the time while I was home to say goodbye and it made me realize what we take for granted in life. My aunt was an amazing woman and even through the toughest of times she kept a smile on her face. It is also a little reminder of my grandma, who made it through breast cancer.




And now for the big one... I got a sparrow, three lilies, a few nautical stars and some bike dust. This is all on my life shoulder. I chose to get something larger and colored because it is a representation of who I am. I am a girly girl, a good girl, but I have my little rebellious side like everyone else. I just never chose to chow it until now. I didn't walk into a tattoo parlor and pick something out of a book or off the wall. I wanted something custom, just for me, that though some may try to duplicate, it will never be like mine. It is a piece of art that was made just for me. The colors are so bright and vivid, when I look down at it I can't help but smile becasue it is so vibrant. I may not have looked tough before, but I think this new tattoo has changed people's view of me!


And last but not least (for now anyways) my right side. I got the saying "La Bella Vita" written in script. It means "The Beautiful Life" This one is also covering up a couple scars from a loooong time ago. This one is another one that is for me, can only be seen by others in a swimsuit. But every time I look in the mirror, every time I get out of the shower I know that I can put the bad behind me and let the beautiful shine through.


I will continue to get more tattoos as I find meaning for them. I already have plans for 3 more!!!